If you’ve dealt much with trans issues, you may have noticed that, well, there are sometimes limits to certain cis allies’ willingness to accept us. Oh, sure, they talk the talk, and for the most part even walk the walk (that’s why I refer specifically to allies, instead of “people who write blog posts about how sad and pathetic we are, before going about their day and forgetting all about us”). But there always seems to be a point at which we’re Going Too Far, and suddenly many of their old prejudices come to the fore again, as if they never left.
Some examples:
Thinking of trans people as human beings? “Sure!” Thinking of trans people as real men and women? “Of course not. While I respect people’s pronoun choices, and everyone should be free from discrimination, any second-grader knows that only chromosomes truly determine male and female. Don’t be mad; I’m just stating reality.”
Trans people having the right to housing and employment? “Absolutely!” Trans people having the right to go to the bathroom? “But that’s a women’s safety issue! Children’s, as well! I mean, who knows what those perverts will do?”
Trans people having the right to marry? “Fantastic!” Trans people having the right to adopt? “Now that’s just irresponsible. Those poor kids will grow up so confused!”
Accepting trans women as women? “Sure, why not?” Accepting trans women into a women-only festival? “Well, see, women-born-women have fundamentally different experiences, and we want to focus on them. (We do allow trans men, because they’re hot, and they’re not fooling anybody anyway.)”
Respecting trans people? “Of course!” Respecting trans people enough not to ask them invasive questions about their bodies? “Oh come on, you can’t blame me for being curious!”
Respecting another’s gender identity? “It’s the right thing to do!” Respecting another’s gender identity when it falls clearly outside the gender binary? “They really should just pick one and stick with it. Seriously, they’re embarrassing me.” (Respecting another’s gender identity when it falls clearly inside the gender binary? “They’re reifying gender, which just proves that they’re tools of the patriarchy, and therefore not one of us!”)
Presenting a trans person in a positive light on TV? “Great idea!” Presenting a trans person in a positive light on TV, without making a big deal out of the fact that zie’s trans? “Well, you have to understand that most viewers don’t know any trans people, so they’re seen as intriguingly exotic, and that gets ratings. I mean, if we presented it as just a show about some woman, would anyone watch it? We have to sell ads, you know!”
Trans people calling out haters and bigots on their shit? “You go!” Trans people calling well-meaning but imperfect cis allies on their shit? “Oh, please, you’re reading too much into it. Besides, my past record and/or legion of trans friends proves that I can’t possibly hold any transphobic/cissexist attitudes whatsoever! I’m a good ally, so give me my cookie NOW! *stomps furiously*”
And they wonder how we can be so wary of them.
I can only hope that those allies who are in it for the long haul, those who will not rest until they see equality for trans people, will learn to recognize the limits of their tolerance, and then push them back as necessary.
And I hope that I, in my capacity as an ally against other prejudices, learn to do the same.
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